i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
