His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
