haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
