I cannot find my penis.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
