I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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