that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
