Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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