You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
