Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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