did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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