Kiss
Puke
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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