physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
