And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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