he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you had me at cake vodka
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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