apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
