His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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