So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
