Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
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You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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