Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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