wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
