so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
