Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
