I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
