"it" just moved
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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