You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
