ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
