Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
