Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
