I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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