wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
