i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
