Who did Billy Mays play for?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
