Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
