dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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