Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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