Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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