So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
