so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
