i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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