OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
