You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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