i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize