god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
