He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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