Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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