I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
