When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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