How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
