Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
