Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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