Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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