Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
