Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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