Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
