physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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