i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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