textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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