I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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