The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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