Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
