She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
