You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
