Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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