if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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