after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
