im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
