Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
