Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
