Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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