my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
