The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
