What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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