so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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