Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
