I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
