you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Michael Bay diarrhea
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
