His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
