Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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