I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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